Crouched on the edge of the starting block, muscles wound tight like a spring, waiting for the crack of the starter’s gun. Swimmers, on your mark … BANG! The clock starts at the sound; almost simultaneously with swimmers knifing into the pool with just a hint of a splash. Air bubbles race from nostrils, seeking the surface as the body is forced through the water. Arms slice into the water. Cupped hands pull back. Legs and feet kick out a rhythm, throwing droplets of water into the air. Breathing syncopated with whirling arms. Stroke, pull, kick, breathe. Stroke, pull, kick, breathe. The body is propelled through the churning aqua water.
The lane markers bob up and down as swimmers fly through the water. The arm stretches forward to hit the wall, head down, legs curled, flip turn and push-off. The power in the thrust of uncoiled muscles takes the body half a pool length, like a spear thrust through the air. Water glides off the head as it breaks the water’s surface. Stroke, pull, kick, breathe. Stroke, pull, kick breathe. As a hand slams on the wall the splash rains down on the deck and the clock stops. Only fifty yards and 23.2 seconds from start to finish.
You have a knack for descriptive writing that help build a vivid picture in the mind.
ReplyDeleteThank you Shelly! I think Pandora's box has been opened. I'm really getting into this writing. I never knew I had so much to write about! I wonder if I had had better teachers when I was younger if I would have started earlier? I hope people enjoy my stories.
DeleteTeri, I agree with Shelly, I think you do a great job at descriptive writing. You really capture the reader and make them feel apart of the piece. I can really relate to this piece, as I was a swimmer for years throughout high school. Were you yourself a swimmer?
ReplyDeleteI swam in a summer league in Bellevue WA, from the time I was about 10 until I graduated from high school. I was never particularly good, I'm not especially competitive, but my brother and sister were top notch AAU swimmers a number of years ago. My brother made a career out of our summer sport, and has been coach of the year in his division a number of times in Washington state.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words. What about the ending? Do you think it could be done better/differently?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I think this is a great piece of writing and I can think of nothing to tell you to fix. I like the ending. I feel like I was racing through your description, just as the swimmer races through the water. The swimmer hits the wall, the race is over, and my heart slows down. And then you end with one quick, easy sentence - perfect!
ReplyDelete